We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
