just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
