you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
