There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
