After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
