New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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