If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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