My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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