My liver just broke up with me...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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