and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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