Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
