can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
NoShamevember. You game?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
