I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
