Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
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Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
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Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize