So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
