that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
