Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
