i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
