you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
