It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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