hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
