My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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