I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
