We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm both gender and math confused
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
