Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
