At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
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Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
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Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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