i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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