Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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