Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
