There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I want a musical about memes.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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