he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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