He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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