I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
