I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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