Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
