we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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