It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Still dying that you shit outside
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
