what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
