This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You ruined the universe
Randomize
