I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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