do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize