Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
