I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
