and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
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I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
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she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?