Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
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i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.