quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT