I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?