Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups