everyone is single if you try hard enough
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
