you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
