Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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