you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
