so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
