I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
