Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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