You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
