Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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