No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
