i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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