my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
