Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
