im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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