her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
