Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
