youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
