i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need to sanitize my soul.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
