Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
