you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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