I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
