I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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