I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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